Category Archives: Mixed Merchandise
So…today I stop at S and S on my way home from work, grab the things I want and get in line behind a girl…
I’ll call buddahface. She is in this huge ranting convo with the cashier who we’ll call sad looking. So sad looking and buddahface are having this really bad convo about some chick they hate,
who’s probably a customer there too but anyways..
This has something to do with buddah and this mystery girl and buddahs xboyfriend blah blah…their insecurities and
the possibility of mystery girl being a whore. Then sadlook says something about how mystery shouldn’t have shown
up at the pub and yadda yadda (if you haven’t figured it out by now I am ignoring most of this and am busy getting pissed that this is going on, ring up
my fkn Ben and Jerrys and let me go.) Then out of nowhere buddahface says..’And doesn’t she have herpes??’
Now there’s me, the person behind me, a bagger and these two. The cashier says she doesn’t know, puts my meat and icecream in the same bag and I am so disgusted I grabbed my receipt and walked out. I am driving home and I notice buddah lives on or around my street.
All I can say is, they are both lucky I have some class.
1 in every 4 or 5 people have it. I wish I had said that out loud, looked around suspiciously and backed away
I am waiting for the bus in the ice rain, when I notice a guy step outside a real estate office, in his real estate clothes, with his ‘I don’t even notice you because I am so GQ’ look, who proceeds to stand there under the real estate eave, in his business dress shoes.
Good old wing tips has the luxury of staying dry. He also has the luxury of a bus stop right outside his office, two feet from the door actually.
As we all stand there on this cold, grey, rainy day, waiting for the bus, I pondered the fact that I was the only one with an umbrella and our friend, God of the empty houses, stays dry and out of the wind.
Apparently he was headed to Broadway as he proceeded to mingle with us peasants as the #9 was approaching. I stayed back as I was destined for the #10.
Now you have to picture, 3 feet of snow, ice and slush is between us and said bus and there is also the edge of the sidewalk, which is hidden, in 2 foot deep muck.
The bus pulls up, stops and our real estate friend attempted his precarious route to the bus door WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN it was MAN DOWN! I REPEAT MAN DOWN!
That’s right!… Nancy reached out with his hand to balance himself on the moveable muck (bad idea) and just barely kept himself off the ground with the most flamboyant curtsey you have ever seen. AS he regains his balance to walk the other two feet I notice him lift his left foot out of the icy, snowy, sloshy, dirty – winter quick sand and yes, boys and girls, his shoe was full of ice and water, his pant legs was sopping and his pride?…probably still on the corner of K and Broadway.
I wonder where he was going….
~ Nobody wants your man
~It’s only our dog, till somebody leaves
~Ain’t no beer left when she’s home
~He only said ‘I love you,’ to get at your food stamps
~Your not worth, looking for a parking spot
~They are my friends, not your friends
~Your cousin looks good but your sister looks better